Step 4: The first message – with example!

You now have a presentable profile with the top profile picture at exactly the right singles exchange… time to meet other singles!

Perhaps you’ve already received one or two messages, but you’re not using online dating sites to leave things to fate. You’ll have to help chance along a little, so you message active members that interest you. Most of the time, the first message already decides your online dating success or failure, so take note of our advice before you get started.

1. Tips for the first message at online dating for men

Let’s not fool ourselves – In online dating, gender roles are still quite clearly divided. Men usually make the first move, women are bombarded with messages and have to make the painful choices. You think female singles have it much easier in online dating because of this? Not even close!

In truth, women suffer more under the message flood, because quantity sadly doesn’t mean quality. Serious attempts at contact are the exception, instead most messages are somewhere between loveless copy-paste mass letters with abysmal spelling, where it’s clear that the author did not even take the trouble to read the lady’s profile in detail and inapproachable attempts to hit on someone. To pick the pearls out of this garbage heap, is just as much work for women as writing a descent mail, which is why they can appreciate such mails. This is how you can do it better – and thus make a positive impression:

Only write messages to women that interest you

Many men operate on the assumption that „more is better“ and write messages en masse, in the hope that eventually some woman will answer. Using this tactic, however serves neither you nor the women, who can figure out really quickly if someone is seriously interested in them. Rather write a serious message to a woman instead of a hundred messages to everything that isn’t offline in three seconds.

Only write to women that are interested in you

Most dating sites tell you what other singles are looking for. If a woman is mid-twenties and indicates that she is searching for men aged 20-30, then a 60 year old prospective should not be surprised, when their messages do not receive a response. Of course you can try it if you are just slightly beside your search criteria, but don’t waste your time with women, with whom you have no chance.

Read her profile

From the profile, you can find out how well this women really suits you and you can address specific similarities in your first message or ask questions about her hobbies, which they would much rather answer than a bored “So, what are you up to?” – question.

Pay a compliment

No, not the usual “You’re totally cute and I want to meet you”. Rather an original, personal compliment, proving that you are really interested, like „I admire your spirit of adventure. Do you find regular time for climbing, mountain biking and surfing as well? In your profile picture, that looks pretty professional!” Women are used to getting lame compliments about their appearance in online dating. Rather concentrate on a property or ability, for which she is proud.

Ask questions, give answers

  • Here again, a look at the profile helps. Icebreakers of the following style are successful because they show interest and willingness to share information at the same time:
  • “You have a dog? Where do you take it for a walk? I have a jack Russell terrier, that I take jogging in west park most of the time.”
  • “I also love eating Indian. Have you ever been to India?”
  • “Your description of a perfect vacation sounds fantastic. I’m planning a summer hike in the Dolomites. What’s your next destination?”

2. Tips for the first message for online dating for women

Respond to all sincere communications

Sure, the message flood can be annoying, but it’s only descent, to at least send a rejection when someone went through the trouble to send you a sincere contact request.

Contact men yourself

You have already taken the initiative by deciding to go online to search for a partner. To now put your hands in your lap and wait for prince charming to announce himself, would be ridiculous. Use the opportunity and pick the right one for yourself!

Picture Source: jannoon028 /