Step 5: Meeting online: Flirt tips for online dating sites

Flirting has a lot to do with body language, with conscious and unconscious signals that convey to the other person, that one is open for more. How is flirting online supposed to work, where one has to rely entirely on the written word without these indicators? Once you’ve established contact with a person with your first message and hopefully got and interesting answer, you should get to know each other online before you arrange a first date.

Fortunately, most online dating services have realized that flirting is a part of meeting one another and have made all kinds of assistance available to facilitate flirting online.

Flirt tips for online dating sites:

1. Winking, nudging and smiling – Sure, most feel quite silly when they click the cuddle button offered by dating apps the first time. But anyone who has ever been virtually smiled at in a dating app knows –silly or not- that the butterflies flutter in your stomach. Even though it’s not a real smile, it causes the same feelings. Use these functions to signal between messages: “I’m thinking of you…”

2. Chat instead of messages – After you’ve proven with the first message (and the response) that mutual interest exists, the chat will show if spontaneous sympathy is produced. If both are online at the same time, a real conversation can occur with abrupt answers and back and forth, as is known with real flirting. Avoid the big issues in chat and rather concentrate on small talk and general subjects – flirting in bars usually is on inconsequential topics as well. What’s important here, is if you can feed each others lines, if you laugh at the same things and feel comfortable in the (digital) presence of the other.

3. Humor – Flirting is mainly about sympathy – and it’s easiest won with humor. That the key data, preferences and desires coincide, you already know from the profile, and the really important serious issues will come onto the table soon enough.


Some topics are completely taboo for online flirting. If the conversation develops into that direction, you can safely make a comment, but remain vague and leave the subject as quickly as possible.

  • Ex-partners and negative experiences with love and relationships – There is a point in the relationship where you should talk about your respective exes. This time is in no case before the first date. No matter how badly you were treated in a relationship, how much you’ve suffered from a breakup or how sorry you feel for yourself – to speak about it, makes you look bad and shows that you still haven’t moved past it.
  • Sex – If you’re not on a casual dating site, then you should keep distance from sexual topics for as long as possible. Even on online dating sites, that among other things enable the search for erotic adventures (e.g. Lavalife) you’d be more successful, if you wait a little longer, till announcing your clear intentions. Especially on mobile dating sites, where many singles are relatively open and come to the point quickly, you’d be pleasantly surprised if you are open to a little conversation before you go like a bull at a gate. If at all, the woman should bring up the subject. Men should hold back – or change to the already mentioned casual dating providers.
  • Politic and religion – The old party rule applies here, because politics and religion are two subjects where one either agrees or gets in a fight over. Because of the search filters offered by most online dating services, few singles even come into contact with members that could have a difference of opinion on the subject of religion. The singles for whom religion is important, will place emphasis to find a partner that shares their faith and everyone else presumably cares so little that they won’t fight over it either.

…and finally another important aspect that is often neglected: the dose makes the poison!

After the first message (and the answer) you should quickly move on to chat, so that the contact doesn’t end up forgotten. Ideally, you should then chat every few days, but at least once a week until the first date. If you initiate the chat every time, then let it be for a few days and instead send a smile, wink, etc.


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